So much for regular blogging...

Okay, this is a picture of Josiah enjoying Cowboy Day at school, courtesy of Patty. I didn't attend Cowboy Day, and thus I am a sucky mom.

My list of things to "Be Better At..." just keeps getting longer, and I get frustrated that I can't seem to ever be able to cross one thing off of it. (I am reminded here that I need to "Be a Better Volunteer Mom at School.") I guess I get most frustrated that there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day and I never seem to have enough energy to move beyond the two biggies in my life... being a business owner and meeting those bare-bone needs of my children - (feeding them, hugging them, navigating my way through the myriad of papers that cross my path from the 3 different schools they attend, keeping their schedules straight and taxiing them from practices to games to lessons to appointment and home again.) I do not, however, seem to have any time to do anything else - to be a friend, a neighbor, a volunteer, a sister, a daughter, or even a Christian like I feel I should. I can barely get my kids shuttled around to where they need to be and keep everyone fed in a timely manner during the same evening. I'm not taking very good care of my spirit these days, and it's showing up in the resurfacing of my undisciplined "stress" eating habits, my inability to walk away from my job, and the over-scheduling of my days to try to accommodate all of those relationships and things that I'm striving to "Be Better At." I do believe that I'm now overdue to re-evaluate my priorities and activities and pare back.

I just think that I should be able to do it all - to add this relationship and that group and this activity into my life to "be a better Christian." I should join the Saturday morning "Prayer Group" and pray for my kids because what kind of mom and Christian am I if I'm not praying for my kids with the Prayer Group from 8:00-9:00 a.m. on Saturday mornings? Isn't that the least that I can do if I say that I love God and love my kids? And, I should start a BUNCO group for the ladies in my neighborhood so that I can begin to form relationships with my neighbors and be "Christ" to them because God put me in this neighborhood to be a light to this corner of the world, right? And, I should volunteer to serve coffee to the Seniors before their Bible Study every Thursday morning because I'm not volunteering in very many other capacities within the church, and I do have some flexibility in my schedule to be available in the mornings. And then I should probably join this small scrapbooking group here in our community so that I can get to know some women in my town who aren't members of my church. After all, it is good to make relationships outside of the church. Isn't that what we're called to do? And, of course I should still make time in my schedule to exercise for an hour 3-4 days each week and then keep attending my weekly WW meetings so that I don't gain back all of the weight I've lost. And, I can't forget to take the time to track everything I eat so that I can stay within my points for the day (yeah, right...). And of course, from time to time, I need to schedule lunches and coffees with the few friends that I have left or I won't have any left at all. And last but not least, there is my job, which consumes most of my thoughts and my energy - what Chris and I don't do doesn't get done. We are the visionaries, the planners, the labor force, the problem-solvers, the techno-wizards, the investors, the marketers, the innovators, the customer service specialists, the decision-makers, the "buck stops here." It's a lot, and I just wish that I were "Better at it..."

I have to ask myself if this is what God had in mind or if I'm missing it. I would really hate to find out too late that I missed the big picture while I spent my life managing the details. BUT, if I don't manage the details, then they are not going to get managed. So, how do I find that balance? Is it possible that this phase of my life honestly leave little room for anything except family and work? Is that okay? I am ever so grateful for my job, as I feel like it is a gift to me from the hand of God, so why do I feel like it is wearing me out? I find that I cannot be all things to all people, but I feel like I'm being selfish if I don't try...